This weekend, a Facebook Memory popped up on my phone. You know, one of those photos you barely remember taking until it’s back in front of you? And then it all comes back to you.
The Facebook memory was of a lunch I had years ago with an old client who had become a great friend.
She was the kind of friend you can go years without seeing and then the minute you sit down together, you pick right back up where you left off. We met over sushi and wine, and within minutes we were talking a mile a minute, filling in the gaps, laughing, sharing what life looked like now.
And as she told me what she was stepping into next, something really important landed for me.
She was turning 45 that year, and she had made a big decision. She was selling her condo in the city and building a home on her own piece of land, away from the hustle. She wanted space. Quiet. A garden. A slower rhythm.
She had a boyfriend she loved, and their relationship was strong.
But she had decided not to move in together.
Not because anything was wrong. Because she knew herself.
She enjoyed her independence. She valued her quiet. She was a graphic designer and she thrived with space to create. He had kids from a previous marriage. She was not trying to force her life into a shape that did not fit, simply because society says that is the next logical step.
And I remember thinking… this is what full alignment looks like.
I updated her on my life too. The choices I had made. The seasons I had moved through. The path I was building.
For me, happiness has looked like family. A husband. A home. The beautiful, full, meaningful kind of life that comes with being a mom and building something steady and rooted.
And that is the point.
For her, happiness looked different. It was partnership with space. It was travel. It was freedom. It was designing a life that gave her room to breathe, create, and be.
Two women. Two different paths. Two lives that fit the people living them.
And it made me think about how many women are quietly living for perception.
Making choices based on what will look right. What will sound right. What will be easiest to explain.
Not because they are doing anything wrong.
But because they have absorbed a script.
The script that says success has to look a certain way. Love has to look a certain way. Adulthood has to look a certain way.
The script that says if you do not follow the expected path, you are behind, or selfish, or doing it wrong.
But there is no one right blueprint.
There is only your blueprint.
The goal is not to fit your life into what is considered “normal.”
The goal is to build a life that feels true.
And this doesn’t only pertain to whether you get married, have kids, or choose a certain job.
It shows up in the smaller, everyday places too.
In the way you say yes when you mean no.
In the way you keep the calendar packed so no one questions your value.
In the way you stay in the role you have outgrown because it is easier than explaining a change.
In the way you keep up an image that looks impressive, while not feeling as aligned on the inside.
Living for perception does not always look like a big life decision.
Sometimes it looks like living on autopilot.
Sometimes it looks like doing what makes sense, what is expected, what is celebrated, even when it is not what your nervous system, your body, and your truth are asking for.
So I will leave you with a question I ask often, because it changes everything when you answer it honestly.
Where are you living from expectation instead of your truth?
Where are you saying yes because it is what you should want, instead of what you actually want?
And if you gave yourself full permission to define happiness on your own terms, what would you choose next?
