By KRISTA O’REILLY DAVI-DIGUI
What if I all I want is a small, slow, simple life? What if I am most happy in the space of in between? Where calm lives. What if I am mediocre and choose to be at peace with that?
The world is such a noisy place. Loud, haranguing voices lecturing me to hustle, to improve, build, strive, yearn, acquire, compete, and grasp for more. For bigger and better. Sacrifice sleep for productivity. Strive for excellence. Go big or go home. Have a huge impact in the world. Make your life count.
But what if I just don’t have it in me. What if all the striving for excellence leaves me sad, worn out, depleted? Drained of joy. Am I simply not enough?
What if I never really amount to anything when I grow up—beyond mom and sister and wife? But these people in my primary circle of impact know they are loved and I would choose them again, given the choice. Can this be enough?
What if I never build an orphanage in Africa but send bags of groceries to people here and there and support a couple of kids through sponsorship? What if I just offer the small gifts I have to the world and let that be enough?
What if I don’t want to write a cookbook or build a six figure business or speak before thousands? But I write because I have something to say and I invest in a small community of women I care about and encourage them to love and care for themselves well. Because bigger isn’t always better and the individual matters. She is enough.
What if I just accept this mediocre body of mine that is neither big nor small? Just in between. And I embrace that I have no desire to work for rock hard abs or 18% body fat. And I make peace with it and decide that when I lie on my deathbed I will never regret having just been me. Take me or leave me.
What if I am a mediocre home manager who rarely dusts and mostly maintains order and makes real food but sometimes buys pizza and who is horrified at moments by the utter mess in some areas of her home? Who loves to menu plan and budget but then breaks her own rules and pushes back against rigidity. Who doesn’t care about decorating and fancy things. Whose home is humble but safe.
What if I am not cut out for the frantic pace of this society and cannot even begin to keep up? And see so many others with what appears to be boundless energy and stamina but know that I need tons of solitude and calm, an abundance of rest, and swaths of unscheduled time in order to be healthy. Body, spirit, soul healthy. Am I enough?
What if I am too religious for some and not spiritual enough for others? Non-evangelistic. Not bold enough. Yet willing to share in quiet ways, in genuine relationship, my deeply rooted faith. And my doubts and insecurities.
This will have to be enough.
And if I have been married 21 years and love my husband more today than yesterday but have never had a fairy tale romance and break the “experts” marriage rules about doing a ton of activities together and having a bunch in common. And we don’t. And we like time apart and time together. Is our marriage good enough?
What if I am a mom who delights in her kids but needs time for herself and sometimes just wants to be first and doesn’t like to play but who hugs and affirms and supports her kids in their passions? A mediocre mom who can never live up to her own expectations of good enough, let alone yours.
What if I embrace my limitations and stop railing against them? Make peace with who I am and what I need and honor your right to do the same. Accept that all I want is a small, slow, simple life. A mediocre life. A beautiful, quiet, gentle life.
I think it is enough.
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About
Krista is a Holistic Nutrition & Joyful Living Educator living an imperfect but beautiful life and raising her creative family in Central Alberta, Canada. Her mission is to help women live UNSHACKLED lives of purpose, health & JOY. She believes in progress over perfection, in living eyes and heart wide open and that the best gift we can give the world is to finally decide to love ourselves, every broken and beautiful bit. She tells honest and encouraging stories at alifeinprogress.ca. Connect with her on Facebook.
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If this article speaks to you, please feel free to leave Krista a comment below. She will be reading.
THIS!
Krista, you are me and I am you. I used to be so very ambitious, trying to get everything done in a day, oozing with energy, believing that we are put on earth to achieve. The ‘go big or go home’ really resounds with me – that was me. I wanted big. Then I had a major breakdown and here I am, at home, working as a freelancer, at peace with myself. My home is not perfect nor is my wardrobe. I don’t care for fancy things and I do things quietly to benefit people, especially harassed women. All I ask is for the world to let me be me. I agree with your sentiments totally. …Aruna
Krista, you have expressed in words what I think & (for the most part) live. Mediocrity has had a negative tone to it so I choose to think that the life I have chosen…is perfect…for me. And yes I AM enough. If anyone has a problem with that, it’s their problem, not mine. Thank you for your words which serve as a reminder that life is good…just as it is….Erna