I first want to apologize for not having added more meat to this week’s blog posts. As you know, I started writing the book this week, and I’ve been trying to catch my breath, and figure out how to juggle the book writing, the blog writing, and the website upgrade all at the same time. I’ve really had very little time for anything or anyone this week, it’s been all about the work. But I look at it as a short term sacrifice, and then things should settle down a little. So I’m full speed ahead for now, with severe cramps in my fingers from typing so quickly, because the thoughts come to me at such a rapid rate, I want to get them all in the book. It’s been interesting. I haven’t worked this hard in a long long time, to be honest.
All this writing has kept me quite isolated, quite tired and a little more away from the kids than I’m used to. All this to say, I’m feeling the guilt. Oh the guilt. What a crappy feeling. I’m having major flashbacks of the time when my stress level was at a feverish pitch, right before I sold my business, and my son would look at me and say, “I miss you mommy. How come you’re leaving again?” So, I would like to give a “HOLLA” (yes, that’s the sort of thing Jay Z and 50 Cent shout out at the Grammy’s), to my wonderful MOTHER. She has been my saving grace for the past two weeks when things started to get very hairy. She has been there to help out with the kids, and to nurture me emotionally. When the kids are with her, or my mother in law, I never feel guilty. I can work with a clear head. I’m lucky to have these ladies in my life.
So I wonder why as women, we are we so guilty of feeling guilty. Men don’t seem to suffer with this nearly as much as us women do. And the weird thing is, guilt is a thing you’re supposed to feel after wrongdoing, like after you’ve lied, stolen or cheated. Most of us don’t need to do ANYTHING even remotely close to this, to hear those little voices in our head that tell us: You’re not spending enough time with your children, you’re not working hard enough, you’re not eating healthy enough, you haven’t called your mother, and so on.
I decided today I wasn’t going to give tips on how to fight the guilt, because I already did so, in Guilty Part I. I simply wanted to point out that guilt is an ancient concept we’re still struggling with it, and haven’t yet mastered. When will society stop giving us the message that it’s so easy to juggle it all?
But listen to this. We were all having breakfast together yesterday morning, and I asked the boys to complete this sentence– “I’m happy when___.” The answers:
My big son announced that he’s happy when he’s playing hockey. Okay, nice answer.
My husband said he’s happy when we’re doing a family activity together. Lovely.
I said I’m happy when the four of us are in bed together in the mornings before we start our day. Sweet.
But my little three year answered, (no stutter by the way) “I’m happy when you wear your glasses mommy.”
Translation: when you wear your glasses, it means you’re home and ugly, and when you don’t, it means you have a meeting or are going out and I prefer the ugly look.” Oh the dagger of guilt straight through the heart! So much for even thinking of hitting the gym this weekend! I haven’t been in over two weeks, and my ass has started to jiggle. I was running down the hallway yesterday to answer the phone (in a t-shirt and underwear), and my big son shouted from down the hall, “Ma, your butt is jiggling!” That’s hot!
So can we make a pact right now, ladies? Pinky swear, that for all the multi-tasking / juggling women out there doing the best they can, can we give a HOLLA to each other and decide right now to cut ourselves some slack, and try and live a little less guilty? Who’s in?
The verdict: Not guilty.
Have a great weekend!