Is The Grass Really Greener On The Other Side?

I too find myself easily wandering into those “If it was only me” thoughts… wondering what it would be like to spend longer than 20 minutes in Target, to actually try clothes on instead of just grabbing and going and HOPING they fit and I like them when I get home, what it must be like to NOT have to return loads of stuff to the store because as previously and hopefully noted- those said clothes DO NOT fit. I miss the days of cereal for dinner because it was so easy and almost always hit the spot! I remember what it was like to feel like I had the entire day to accomplish 3 small things, where now I’m panicking on how to get those done working around the 2 a day nap schedule and bus drop off.
However, at the end of the night, when I’m sitting in my son’s dark room, with his music playing and he’s laying on my chest as we rock in the chair, I simply cannot imagine not having those moments with him. So I don’t think the grass is greener, necessarily, it’s always the lesser of 2 evils. The great thing is, we are Women , therefore we do have super-powers and we WILL always come out ahead.

Ok, so here’s my response. To be quite honest, this sounds like the rant of someone who presently feels extremely dissatisfied with the life choices they have made, or rather the way in which these choices have played out. Based on all the flaws in the very logic of this piece, I would say it is one long and poorly argued complaint about how hard it is to be a parent, nothing more.
Being a parent is hard, but being single isn’t necessarily any ‘easier.’ Now let’s go through this point by point. The very title of this piece is paradoxical in itself…Is the grass really greener? Well, author, maybe you should ask yourself that question. Maybe the ‘single woman’ does not feel day to day how stressful your life is, but do you feel the stresses of a single woman? They are different stresses, but stresses nevertheless – You should probably consider being a little more sensitive to this.
Now lets go through a few examples. So, you do laundry, throw some cereal into a bowl and a couple PB&J sandwiches into a bag with some dunkaroos and drive your car a few blocks in the span of two hours. Are you really going to complain about that? Sounds like a dream life to many, if you ask me. Now take someone who chose (or by chance wound up with) the other path, the single path. It’s a little ignorant to assume that no kids mean no problems or no ‘to do list’ that requires getting up at 6 and having to get two handfuls of tasks done by 8a.m. So lets talk about some of these single ladies.
Let’s consider who I would call one of the world’s most respected and unselfish women, Oprah Winfrey. Well guess what? SHE HAS NO KIDS! But I can tell you this, she’s had more to get done before 8a.m. then you do. Wake up, go to her studio, review her schedule/show for the day, prep for other shows, fundraise…who knows. I am sure, however, that she has more to remember than laundry and lunches. In her dreams, maybe. Oprah, you may say, is an exception. Fine, well in that case, think of every single woman who works on wall street, or every woman who works at a magazine or newspaper with serious deadlines, PhD students who don’t sleep at all because they are up all night working on their dissertation that could be rejected if it’s not up to par. What about broadcast journalists who stand in the middle of hurricanes at 4a.m. or the 9/11sites in the midst of rubble for 24hours reporting? Let’s not forget OB/GYNs…they just so happen to be on call, so a 6a.m. wake up is often a dream to them. These people ain’t stress free just because they don’t have kids to drive to camp.
And get this, some of these people have kids. And don’t for one second think they are worse moms because of it. You want proof? Ok, no problem. Hillary Rodham Clinton. God only knows what her schedule was like before 6a.m. as a newlywed and new mom in the 80s; A partner at an Arkansas law firm, having to campaign for her husband and eventually fulfill the duties of a first lady – and still, she managed to be named Arkansa’s woman of the year in 1983 and Arkansas mother of the year in 1984. True story. So before you complain, perhaps these are the people you should be thinking about during your morning showers, not a friend whose lifestyle you envy or miss.
So we’ve covered the potential schedules of the ‘single woman,’ now let’s cover the rest: the social stigma associated with being single and without children. You said it yourself… ‘Are single women with a single lifestyle selfish for never having had children?’ Well, author, I have a secret for you – most of the time, it isn’t their fault, or their choice. You are extremely fortunate for having found your Mr. Right to have babies with. For many, finding him in itself is a whole other struggle you clearly can’t comprehend. So while you have to think about soccer practice, others have to think about the dating scene, the stresses of building a relationship from scratch, physical attractiveness, not getting called back sometimes, the fact that biological clocks keep ticking away with every year that one remains single. It ain’t always fun, so I think single women deserve the luxury of a little R&R, don’t you? Life is not any less stressful for the single, childless woman, just different.
The next time you snuggle with your kids before bedtime, concentrate on how fortunate you are, but be sure to leave the hostility and resentment that come with the ‘cons’ of being a mom at the door. Single ladies may have pros, but we have our cons too.