By Guest Blogger Kayla Shaw
Being superwoman isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, is it? Between work, taking care of the house, the children and white knuckling the last threads of your social life, doing it all means you probably have a lack luster sex life. By the end of the day, any sex, let alone adventurous sex, isn’t even a remote possibility.
When I ask women how they continue to explore and expand their sexuality, they look at me as if my head turned inside out. I get it. It’s a weird question you’ve never been asked before. Personally, before I took the journey to connect to my sexual center, sexual exploration was guessing what my husband was going to try to put in my behind, (yes, you read that correctly), which I’m definitely not ruling out, but it wasn’t until I suggested the types of exploration that were sexy to me, that I got really interested.
It is so sad the sheer amount of women who view investing time in sexual exploration as frivolous, because the one area they aren’t paying attention to is the key to making all of the other areas in their life spectacular.
So what’s a tired woman to do? What are the best ways to reignite your passion?
Daydreaming is a powerful thing.
As children we are so open to imagination; if we could just apply that creativity to our adult life, we could do or be anything. Rediscovering sexual imagination means you’ll anticipate end of the night sex instead of dreading it because you’ve been thinking about it all day. It doesn’t even have to be your partner, sexual fantasy means you can explore anything that strikes you as sexy at the moment.
As a child, I was so imaginative, it breaks my heart knowing I let that sacred part of me break down from the stress of college and entering the workforce. Resurrecting that part of my sexuality was powerful. Whether I’m pretending I’m a sexy waitress flirting with a hot guy, while simply standing in line at the bank, or I’m imagining I’m a mermaid seducing a sailor while sitting in traffic, it secretly gives me pleasure to fantasize about events that live only in my imagination, and not in reality.
For most women, sex is as much mental as it is physical. Priming yourself throughout the day makes for much steamier sex that night. Using your imagination in the bedroom will encourage you to use your imagination in other areas of your life… and who knows what will open up for you then!
Connecting to your sexual being doesn’t always mean the sexual act. I take sexual exploration to mean cultivating a sensuous life that is authentic and empowering to you. Living sensuously is to live presently. When you stop to smell the proverbial rose, it reconditions your brain to pay attention to the senses that bring the small pleasures of daily living.
Cultivating a sensuous life is difficult because it means slowing down, being mindful of how you feel and reprioritizing what’s important in your life; the exact opposite of what you are told to do to be successful. Learning to let go and just “be” will not only improve your sex life, it will improve everything about your life from being more productive to making your children, friends and partner feel loved because they have your full attention.
Be Sexy for Yourself
Hating the way you look and the way you are will block you from having a fulfilling, sensuous living experience. How can you experience an orgasm if you can’t stop thinking about how your butt cheeks are slapping together? You can’t.
The biggest part of reinvigorating your sex life is to accept the things you cannot change about your appearance and change the things you have control over. But trust me on this, do not wait until the weight comes off to work on accepting yourself, because your insecurities will come raging through even though you reached your fitness goals.
I convinced myself my weight was holding me back from reinvigorating my practice and enjoying sex with my husband, so I changed my lifestyle, got healthy, and lost 25 pounds. I was at the weight I was when I was 18 and I should’ve felt amazing, but I didn’t. Instead of my weight being the issue, I tried to convince myself I was stupid and that’s why I wasn’t successful in my business or relationship. It wasn’t until I realized I was just scared and getting in my own way that my life truly began to change.
If you are still on the fence about taking that step into sexual exploration, please know your connection to your sexuality can affect your fulfillment in all other areas of your life. Don’t believe me? Think back to the last time you had truly amazing sex and how you felt the next day. If you actively engage in these practices, you can feel like that every day.
Kayla Shaw is a heart-centered relationship coach, writer, tell-it-like-it-is confidante, and freelance passionista helping women explore, expand and empower their sexual being. Kayla takes overworked and under confident women and turns them into the success vixens they long to be. Interested in working with Kayla? Contact her at [email protected].
Well, we hadn’t talked about sex lately, so I thought it was time. The real question: ARE YOU TOO TIRED FOR SEX? Let’s keep it real and honest, and feel free to comment anonymously. It’s not your name, it’s your story that matters.