By Sylvia Smith

When you reach a certain point of comfortability in your relationship, it sure is nice. You don’t have to worry about impressing each other anymore, you’ve seen each other at your worst and still love each other, and you just really “know” each other on a deeper level.

But there is another side to this level of love. It means things tend to become less exciting. That’s normal of course, but just like your car needs tuning up to run at its best, so does your relationship. Always add a little spice to keep things interesting, and keep boredom at bay.

photo credit: Pinterest
photo credit: Pinterest

Here are 7 signs you need some excitement in your relationship and what to do about it.

  1. You Never Go Out

So many couples are guilty of just being complacent. They are so busy and tired with their obligations to work and family, they look forward to just laying around. It’s understandable to want some down time. But when it’s a nightly thing, where you and your significant other are just planted in front of the TV eating chips, it’s a sign that things have fallen into a rut.

Live a little! The trick is to leave the house and have some fun. It doesn’t need to be extravagant—or an expensive evening. Just trying a new restaurant, or going to a movie can be stimulating. Being together, just the two of you, in a new environment on a weekly to monthly basis will help make your relationship more exciting.

  1. Intimacy Has Taken a Back Seat

How long has it been? Don’t answer that question out loud. But really, has intimacy taken a back seat in your relationship? Do you even feel like it anymore? When things get boring in your relationship, it will definitely reflect in the bedroom. It may feel awkward approaching your honey to ask for a little bedroom time if it’s been a while, so spice things up out of the bedroom first.

Kiss more. Hug more. Sit by each other’s side when possible. Hold hands. Cuddle. Do the things that real couples do. Show affection. Say nice things to each other. Build that foundation of intimate excitement, then see where it leads. Even if you don’t feel loving, if you act in these loving ways, then the feelings will follow.

  1. You Run Out of Things to Talk About

When you’re sitting at dinner or driving somewhere, it’s prime talk time. But you somehow don’t have anything to say. Why is that? Is it because your relationship has become a little monotonous? Actually, perhaps you are both in a funk in your own separate lives, so when you come together, there isn’t much energy to talk about.

So what do you do about this? This is what you do—develop YOU! The happier you are, the more exciting your relationship will be. Work on yourself and your own happiness first. Also, dare to do something you haven’t done before. Be adventurous. Go rock climbing. Take a class. Do something for you. Of course, you can always invite your loved one along, but if they don’t feel like it, don’t let that stop you. You each need to pursue your own passions so that you are passionate people who then come together and create a passionate relationship.

  1. You’d Rather Watch Netflix

photo credit: Netflix
photo credit: Netflix

It’s pretty tempting to just scroll through whatever there is to watch instead of investing time and energy into your relationship. If you’d rather just watch Netflix than be with your loved one, that’s a sign your relationship might need a little spice.

You can definitely keep watching Netflix, but offer to let your significant other choose. Also, don’t watch Netflix every single night. C’mon! Designate certain nights—perfect after a busy day—but then the rest of the week, get off the couch and do something together like go for a walk or a hike, cook dinner together, or any number of everyday things you do already. Invest time and energy in your relationship and you’ll reap the benefits.

  1. Your Routine Never Varies

You go to work, come home, eat dinner, then relax. On Saturdays you do yard work and run errands. Sundays you visit family and grab a bite. Week after week, it’s the same old things over and over. Let’s be honest… that can get a little boring! If your routine never varies, you might end up staying in that rut in your relationship. You have come to just expect the same things from your schedule and from each other, day in and day out. 

Why not run away together for the weekend? It doesn’t even need to be that far, and it doesn’t have to be that expensive. What about a cabin in the mountains or a yurt on the beach? Go someplace where you don’t know a soul. Have fun navigating the area and trying new things. It’ll add some sparkle into your relationship.

  1. You Barely Notice When They Come Home

You are both so caught up in your own lives, you barely notice what’s going on in your honey’s life. Including when they come home! That’s pretty sad.

Make it a point to listen for the door and run to give your significant other a hug and a kiss. Linger as long as you can. Ask about their day. Really make your loved one feel special and welcome. Better yet, have a treat waiting to savor the moment. Make the first move, and they will reciprocate. 

  1. You Don’t Flirt Anymore

Remember in the beginning of your relationship when the sparks were always flying? You’d wink at each other or say things to make them blush? If you’re not flirting with your beloved anymore, then things have likely become quiet ho-hum.

The remedy is to simply add flirting back into the mix. Say or text innuendos. A gentle rub on their arm or back. Tell them they are attractive. Wink or play footsies in public. Surprise them and quickly change into something sexy when they are in the bathroom washing up for bed. Don’t let the sparks die. Reignite them with some good old fashioned flirting.

Relationships take work, and that’s really okay. You have to make the conscious effort to turn things around – you need some initiative to keep things spicy. 

In closing, I would like to add that if none of these attempts to re-inject passion back in your relationship work, it might be time to seek couples counseling.


Sylvia Smith is a relationship expert with years of experience in training and helping couples. She has helped countless individuals and organizations around the world, offering effective and efficient solutions for healthy and successful relationships. Her mission is to provide inspiration, support and empowerment to everyone on their journey to a great marriage. She is a featured writer for, a reliable resource to support healthy, happy marriages. Follow her Twitter.

So, can you relate to any of this? Is your marriage showing any of these signs? Feel free to comment anonymously, Sylvia will be reading. Happy re-igniting the spark! I wish you lots of passion and intimacy in your marriage.