So, truth is, I have been on the lookout for a woman, who exists in my head, who would be in a loving, committed and happy marriage, to her soul-mate, but who doesn’t have exclusive sex with her husband. And he’s cool with it. And he does it too. I figured, there has to be a “normal” woman somewhere in the world, who could live in the ‘burbs, pretty house with the picket fence, the kids, but has sex outside the marriage and doesn’t get in trouble! But, so far, no woman has come knocking on my door, so I wanted to share something I found.
Well first, what is an open marriage by definition? Here it is out of the dictionary:
An Open Marriage is a marriage in which each partner is free to enter into extraneous sexual relationships without guilt or jealousy from the other
Alright. For some women I have spoken to on their opinions about open marriages, they seem to think it’s merely an excuse to cheat on your partner. But “cheating” implies deception. And, in a true open marriage, there is no deception. It really is two people who are committed to each other, who schtup on the side, and then return to the open arms of their loving partners.
Personally speaking, I could NEVER imagine it. I am fully off the fence here. While I do understand struggles in a marriage and the effort and upkeep to keep the spark alive, I cannot envision my husband coming home after a night of hot sex with another woman, and me asking him, ” So honey, how was the lay tonight? Was she as good as last week’s?” And despite the fact that I am not a germaphobe, the thought of my husband parking his penis in another woman’s garage grosses me out beyond comprehension.
So… our marriage is closed. That’s my final answer, and I’m stickin’ to it.
But, let me show you what I found on the web, cuz, I am curious. I’m gonna give you a few paragraphs to see for yourself. The Blogs is called Open Marriage Blog: Tagline: Husband and Wife have been happily married for several years. We also have lovers on the side. Everyone is interested how we do it. So we figured we’d blog about it.
Ok, you still with me? That’s the premise. The most recent Blog Post last week, was titled Open Divorce. So, while my research points to the fact that many marriages can sustain living in this open format, this marriage, while appearing to be solid for 19 years, is ending in divorce. This is the husband’s voice. Go ahead and get a little voyeuristic…
Wow. Well, it’s been nearly a year since “we” started this blog. I say “we” in quotes because Wife never did end up posting to it herself, only me. That was probably a sign right there.
So, to recap: together nearly 19 years now, married nearly 16, “open” pretty much that whole time, with a few years of “don’t ask, don’t tell” at the outset but quickly becoming a full-on open marriage. Until shortly after we started this blog. Then everything came unglued.
I don’t think the blog had much to do with it. But we’re moving into separate homes in the next two weeks and likely getting a divorce later this year. In our characteristically unorthodox approach, we’re determined to do our best to stay friends, but we’ll have to see how that works.
What went wrong? Hard to say. Objectively, anyway. But since she’s never deigned to participated in this would-be joint blog project, I’ll give you my side of the story, in summary.
I don’t mean to condemn open relationships as a lifestyle. We started this blog with every intension to be boosters for the idea. But in 20-20 hindsight, my conclusion, after months of therapy among other reflections, is that the open relationship in our case was a way to bandaid over a gap in our own relationship. To each his own, for sure — I should be the last to judge — but in my own life going forward, I’ve decided to give monogamy a try for a while.
The whole thing is still surreal. I read back to my original post here, just less than a year ago, on our wedding anniversary, where I claimed “we seem to be one of the happiest, most loving couples we know.” That’s certainly what we believed at the time. I also said in some subsequent posts that we weren’t in it only for the sex, but that we believe also in open love. Well, that turns out not to have been true for her.
I made some references along the way to a girlfriend I had at the time whom I dubbed “Free Spirit,” and went into a bit of detail about how my becoming increasingly infatuated with Free Spirit had led to some serious strife between me and Wife. As I later learned, after our 19 years together, she had a different view on the open love question; apparently she thought the freedom pretty much ended with the sex.
Me? I’m gonna move to Williamsburg and lick my wounds for a while. Then hopefully I’m going to lick all sorts of body parts of several attractive young ladies. And hopefully find one who loves me more completely. And, I suspect, exclusively.
I liked being coupled. I suppose I’m the marrying kind. And next time around, I don’t intend to share. But that’s just me. Good luck to all the rest of you.
So, my goal for today was simply to show you another way. Who’s to say marriage should be between one man and one woman? With all the high demands placed on a wife, who’s to say marriages wouldn’t work out best with two wives serving the many demands of one man? Just sayin’… Don’t shoot the messenger!!
So ladies tell us, do you think open marriages can survive? Are you in an open marriage? Can you shed some light, if you will? Feel free to post anonymously.
Have a great weekend ladies! Until next week,