There’s a lot out of our control right now. A lot we don’t have any say in, or ability to change. Many of us are navigating a world that feels unstable these days.
Between the news cycle, global instability, and maybe even some personal challenges you’ve been carrying quietly, it’s no wonder so many of us feel anxious, on edge, or like the ground beneath us is shifting. If you’re nodding along, I see you. You’re not alone.
I want to share a lesson I learned many years ago from a dad that my husband and I had dinner with with—someone who struck me as just so calm. The kind of person who seemed so chill, with great energy. I asked him, “What’s your secret? How do you stay this calm and grounded in everyday life?”
His answer has stuck with me ever since:
“I don’t stress over what I can’t control. I only stress over what I can. It’s really that simple.”
He explained: “I can stress over working harder to support my family, or making healthier choices to improve my lifestyle. I can plan, prepare, and push myself to be better. But I can’t stress over traffic, or the weather, or other people’s opinions—because there’s literally nothing I can do about them. Wasting energy on those things doesn’t change them; it only steals my peace.“
Wow, I thought!
Simple. Brilliant. Life-changing.
Control is a tricky thing
Here’s the paradox: most of the things we think about (and overthink about) are things completely outside of our control. The weather. The stock market. The fact that your flight is delayed. Or that your coworker keeps taking credit for your work.
But we spend so much mental energy worrying, stressing, and even losing sleep over these uncontrollables. Why? Because our brains love certainty. Our brains want to “solve” every problem, even if it’s unsolvable. And that’s where we get stuck in cycles of anxiety.
The truth is, we can’t control life’s curveballs. What we can control is how we respond.
Things you CAN’T control:
- Traffic (unless you’re secretly a city planner)
- Other people’s opinions of you
- Global markets, politics, or wars
- How quickly your Amazon package actually arrives
- Aging (sorry, Botox doesn’t count)
Things you CAN control:
- What you put in your body today
- How much sleep you prioritize tonight
- Whether you move your body for 20 minutes
- Your attitude toward challenges
- Who you spend time with and where your energy goes
- The boundaries you set with your phone, your boss, or your family
There’s a reason the famous Serenity Prayer resonates with millions of people:
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
That wisdom to “know the difference” is the sweet spot. When you practice it, you begin to realize that most of the stress you’ve been carrying is optional. Yes, optional.
The interesting part?
Let’s be honest—most of the things we stress out over never even come to fruition. A study from Cornell University found that 85% of the things people worry about, never actually happen. This means most of the things we worry about aren’t worth the mental energy we invest in them. And if that isn’t enough, most of the stuff we also flip out over in the moment, we forget a week later. Like that time someone cut you off on the highway and you screamed so loud you out your window, you even scared yourself? The driver has definitely forgotten. But you? You carried it with you for hours.
Meanwhile, you could’ve been singing Justin Bieber’s new album at the top of your lungs in traffic instead– obsessed with Daisies and Yukon, by the way! (Way better for your nervous system, I promise.)
So, What Do We Do About It?
Here are some strategic shifts you can make starting now:
1. Make a “Worry List” – For one week, jot down every time you catch yourself worrying. Then go back and divide it into two columns: things I can control vs. things I can’t. You’ll be shocked at how lopsided that list really is.
2. Adopt the Traffic Rule – Every time you find yourself getting worked up over something outside your control, say to yourself: “This is traffic.” It’s your mental cue to let it go.
3. Shrink your circle of concern – Stop trying to control the whole universe. Start with your own tiny corner of it. That corner gets calmer and more joyful when you tend to it.
4. Invest in your “control zone” – Sleep, food, exercise, screen time, the people you surround yourself with. These are your controllables. When you consistently focus here, your resilience grows for the things you can’t control.
The Big Reframe
What if you stopped trying to be the CEO of the universe, and instead became the CEO of your own choices?
What if every time you were tempted to stress about something you couldn’t change, you redirected that energy toward something you could change?
That shift would not only reduce your anxiety, but it would also make you a whole lot more effective in your work, relationships, and health.
That dad at dinner who told me he doesn’t stress over things he can’t control isn’t superhuman. He just knew the difference between wasting energy and using it wisely.
Life is uncertain. The world feels unstable. But your peace of mind doesn’t have to shake with it. Anchor yourself in the only place you ever really have control: your own choices, your own actions, and your own attitude.
So, next time you’re tempted to spiral about things you can’t control, take a deep breath and ask yourself:
“Is this traffic, or is this me?”
And then go take back your power, one choice at a time.
Would love your thoughts below.
P.S. If you have thought about taking control of your life in all facets, a life and career coach might be just the thing for you. Check out more info here.
