Our anonymous Man On The Fence has chosen his topic, and is making his second guest appearance today.
I read his Blog post while waiting in line to pay yesterday at Walmart. I bawled my eyes out.
Here he is, our very own Guest Blogger, Man On The Fence…
As a single dad who patronized his wife, loved her, cared for her and protected her from the daily insanity of life’s craziness, I thought the joys of divorce would be a great way to connect those women, who truly don’t accept, appreciate and recognize how blessed they are.
I was married for over twelve years to a woman that I loved with all my heart and soul for many years before. In fact, I told her on our very first date that I was going to marry her! For all the reasons that make no sense, she felt there was something more in life, something missing from what we can both now attest to, was a wonderfully loving and nurturing union.
For years I struggled with life’s regular issues; bringing up the kids, being a good provider, committed family man and friend, and yet she was always there. She was a constant. She stuck by me in the worst possible times of my life, staying up late at night, throughout the night, watching me toil from stress, but always there… oh what a feeling to know that there was always someone there.
Now after close to three years of being apart, I have less of a need for that, more of a desire for that, but have come to count my blessings for how fortunate I am that my life is the way it is. We share the children equally, with the notion that they are hopefully deriving the best from both parents. There is no contest of pulling and pushing, just a complete commitment on both our behalves to truly put each other first, so that the children can reap the benefits of having two parents who adore them, love and respect one another, and care for them as they did when we were married.
We share dinners together, celebrate together, speak to one another like the best of friends we truly are. We make a sincere effort to ALWAYS be kind and endearing to one another. I made a commitment to my wife the day we split up, that if she allowed my dignity to be salvaged and ensured we wouldn’t make our lawyers and real estate agents rich by liquidating our assets, I would be eternally grateful and be divorced from her with the right spirit, in the right style. I am proud to say she was sensitive and thoughtful enough to go along with that proposal. She went as far as to say, “You never lied or cheated me, I am putting my blind faith in your hands.”
By showing such consideration for our whole family, my ex-wife is held in high esteem by all of us. While my children witness countless friends’ parents battling to make life miserable for one another, my kids constantly mention and appreciate the peaceful transition we have made for them during this major life change.
Surely nothing is ideal in a situation like this. Surely I want my children full time. However, they do have a loving, caring and wonderful mom that they deserve to grow with and learn from. I couldn’t have done this without my ex buying into the option that divorce sucks, but there is such a thing as a “Good divorce!”
So what are the joys of divorce? Well firstly, while you can pay for a good education, or spoil your kids with all sorts of monetary possessions, leading by example and teaching your children how to be good human beings with good values, are indispensable gifts for life. Divorce provides you with the opportunity to teach those life lessons perhaps sooner than you might have. My kids often remark, “You are so kind and good to mom.” And my response is always the same, “Your mom is still the beautiful spirit I loved forever. Just because she felt the need to see what life would be like without me, does not take away from who she really is.” I really do feel this way, even at the behest of those around me who marvel in disbelief that I can truly feel this way after such a short time apart.
If I had to shun her, exit a restaurant, or worse, feel a transmitting sense of revulsion every time I bumped into her, it would only drain me of my strength and leave me with a heavy heart. My children would battle with the sentiments of anger and disbelief that this was the man who claimed to love and live for our mom all those years.
So, ladies, when you wake up each and every day, look at the man lying next to you. Give good thought as to where you both started. Think about how fortunate and lucky you are… if you really do have the right person right at your fingertips. Surely no marriage is perfect and it is the ultimate compromise……but, the alternatives usually are not better.
A Man On The Fence
Ladies, do you have any words you would like to share with our Man On The Fence?