photo credit:
photo credit:

Happy almost Valentine’s Day!

I like how relationship expert Colleen Long uses the “chocolate/broccoli” analogy. Our long term, loving, secure relationships are the “broccoli.” They are the things that, if we stay committed to, consistently over time grow us up. They make us healthier, more evolved, more balanced, well-rounded individuals. However, chocolate comes along in life (just like opportunities for affairs) and tempts us with ideas like “How wonderful would life be if I could just eat chocolate all the time?” or “This must be the thing I was meant to eat all my life.”

But we all know that no good can come of a long term diet consisting of only chocolate.

Therefore, my intention today is to help you reignite the spark in your relationship and love the life you already have! To make the sex marriage sizzle just in time for Valentine’s Day.

Ah, sex and the married life! And sex and the penny in the jar concept. For those of you who don’t know what the ‘penny in the jar’ theory is, it’s this: if you put a penny in a jar for every time you had sex before marriage, and then remove one for every time you have sex AFTER marriage, you’ll never empty the jar.

penny in the jar theory

(P.S. – Why are these people smiling… this isn’t looking good for them!!!)

Okay. Is this you? Are you engaging in too much kvetch talk, and not enough sex talk? If so, keep reading…

Now, I can say my husband and I enjoy a pretty healthy sex life. And I feel lucky for that. But let’s get real here: going to bed with the same person, waking up next to the same person, having sex with the same person can get a little, well, …. redundant, routine, rutty, repeat, needing reinvention. All these R’s. Real talk, ladies.

But all jokes aside, how do you keep it going? How do you keep the passion alive? How do you make the time? How do you keep it fresh? With the demands of real life– kids, stress from work, financial pressures, carpool, dinners, homework, extracurriculars, sex can kinda feel like our youth… a fading memory.

So how do you in the words of Dr. Ruth, make time for pleasure?

make time for sex
photo credit: Pinterest

According to a study from the University of Chicago, married couples report having sex, on average, seven times a month (slightly less than twice a week).

Another study revealed: Both men and women report greater sexual satisfaction and higher levels of overall relationship happiness when they have more sex.

So as the week builds up to Valentine’s Day, here are some tips on improving your intimacy with your partners, and deriving more satisfaction and pleasure in your marriage. If you’re stuck sitting on the fence in your sex life, take the jump ladies! You might just have a good time.

The Level of Intimacy Creates The Passion in Your Marriage. Get Back to the Beginning. Revisit What First Drew You Together

Remember that rush of adrenaline at the beginning before the kids? Remember the feeling of intimacy in the beginning – moonlight walks, picnic in the park, exploring each other? After years of wear and tear, redundancy, couples can sometimes look at each other, and feel as if they are looking at a stranger. Studies show that if we recreate what brought us together in the first place, this does wonders for our marriage. Get back to the basics of both of you. Often it takes a little reminding yourself of what drew you together in the first place, to bring you back. You have a week to plan it – go.

Communication is the Root to Sex Success

Communication might be an obvious one, but issues that remain unresolved out of the bedroom, penetrate into the bedroom. Very important to deal with and discuss issues in your marriage as they arise. When they do, make sure to mind the double T’s – TONE AND TIMING.  Communication is the road to all things wonderful in your marriage.

You Should Not be a Spectator in Your Own Sex Life

Think about that for a minute. Have there been times when you’re lying there, like a dead fish, waiting for it to be over so you can watch a show, return a call, or get some zzzz’s? File your nails? You owe it to your partner and YOURSELF, to not have an out-of-body sexual encounter. Get into it. Even if it starts out forced, eventually, if you surrender and let yourself go, you won’t just be a spectator.

Make Yourself Feel Sexy, First for Yourself, and Let Your Partner Enjoy the Benefits

Confession: I am guilty of this. I don’t own so much as a pair of pyjamas. I only wear fluffy cozy bathrobes. I don’t wear makeup unless I’m working, and I’m in glasses 90% of the time. I love my husband so much, and feel so comfortable with him, that I let him see ALL OF ME, ALL THE TIME. I’m starting to think this is a problem. The expensive lingerie I bought for my honeymoon could honestly be returned it’s so brand new. So when he asks me to make the effort, I try. And I am going to pledge to try harder too. It’s important we make the effort, first for ourselves, and let our partners enjoy the benefits. When we feel sexy and confident in ourselves, we ARE sexy.


This is beyond Valentine’s Day, but I wanted to throw it in. Don’t succumb to temptation of technology as a distraction. Charge all phones, iPhones iPads OUT OF THE BEDROOM. Start making it a habit of moving all your charging stations out. Start this week.

Once all gadgets are removed, get in the habit of heading into bed ONE HOUR before you normally would with your partner. How can you make the time for sex with your spouse if you’re falling asleep and start too late? Be mindful of the clock.

Initiate. Passion Takes Work, and Without the Work, Expect Things to Fizzle. COMMIT TO DETAIL.

photo credit: Pinterest

For so many women who think a man should always be the one to initiate sex, c’mon ladies, we’re living in the 21st century. Now when I say initiate, I don’t just mean in bed. Whether it’s preparing a seductive playlist for Sunday, sending flirty texts throughout the day, getting the candles ready in your bedroom, or the perfect outfit he finds attractive, do it. Don’t roll your eyes… DO. Pay close attention to detail. CREATE the atmosphere. It’s about going the extra distance to make your partner feel loved and appreciated.

Remember, sexplorations are safe and fun between two loving and committed people. Think CREATIVELY, if you catch my drift. THINK SPONTANEOUS, or you shall fall into rut of monotony.

I have one goal for today’s blog post… to get you to rediscover your partner. To fall in love again with your partner. The cheesy holiday of Valentine’s Day is a perfect opportunity. When those warm fuzzies creep up, jump on it. Literally.

Photo credit: Pinterest
Photo credit: Pinterest

Tell us, what do you do to keep the passion alive in your marriage? How do you make time for sex with all of life’s demands and the daily grind? How do YOU keep the spark alive, share below? Happy early Valentine’s Day.