My boys have all left for golf. I just finished making the beds. I’m sipping coffee, and instead of going to the gym, or for a walk, I really feel like I have something to say today.
So, sitting surrounded by inspirational sayings in my sweet new office and calm space, here goes.
You may or many not know that today is Womens’ Equality Day. To give you a point of reference, this is it:
I never set out to be a single mom. I’m not sure that many women do to be honest (despite what the media might like us to believe).
I always wanted to be part of a family, part of a close-knit group of people who looked out for and loved each other. I didn’t experience that growing up; I was abused by my grandfather at the age of 5, my grandmother told me not to tell anyone as I’d be taken away and, when she thought I had told (although I was too frightened to tell a soul), she tried to drown me in the garden pond. That was the start of the sexual harassment and abuse I encountered both inside and outside of my family, over many years.
I grew up being told that no one liked me, loved me, or wanted me. That no one thought I’d achieve anything and that I was stupid and hopeless. Although school was my sanctuary, and I loved it, I didn’t do very well academically due to a series of undiagnosed learning difficulties. I left home the day after I turned 18, got married at 19, had my daughter at 20, my son at 22, and was divorced by 25.
I just recently divorced my high school sweetheart. Twenty one years together, and 15 years married, I made the most difficult decision of my life. It wasn’t easy.
We both tried so hard to make it work, but ultimately, it was just too hard. I was the one who asked him for a divorce, because he wouldn’t have otherwise.
‘Divorce’ was never a word either of us would have even fathomed. Breaking up our home, hurting the kids who were my absolute world, putting my Ex through a pain he didn’t deserve… how could I? I endured years of battling my heart and my mind. I tormented my friends and family with my heartache and inability to leave because ‘he’s a good man.’ But the truth is, he was a good man. Just not for me.
My Ex and I divorced because we honestly were horrible for one another. There was also no chemistry. We married for wrong reasons, and stuck it out because of insecurities. Both good people, just not for each other.
Ok, he never puts the cap on the toothpaste (even though they’re attached these days!), he plays in a band even though he can’t sing or play a note, and he routinely handles personal hygiene in public.
Yes, he’s got the sweetest blue eyes, and he always treats you like a princess… But.
Every woman has done it at one point or another. You get together with some good girlfriends over wings and margaritas, and as the conversation turns to the current state of everyone’s dating relationships, someone says those three dreaded words…
“He has potential…”
Today’s post was going to be something else. After all, I just experienced a career milestone this past Friday— appearing on The Today Show. And I will come back to that this week. It’s sitting in our ‘drafts’ folder on the backend of this blog.
But for today, running a women’s empowerment blog, I couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t not support it. I couldn’t not address it.
You’ve probably seen in by now.
#MeToo
So, this came up in my Facebook memories yesterday. My second blog post ever. Feeling all sentimental this week since it was our 8th blogiversary on Monday, so I thought I’d do a little #ThrowbackThursday in honor of anniversary week.
Wow, how times have changed (like the weight gain since this post), and yet still remain the same!
Enjoy blog post #2 – exactly eight years later.
Happy almost Valentine’s Day!
I like how relationship expert Colleen Long uses the “chocolate/broccoli” analogy. Our long term, loving, secure relationships are the “broccoli.” They are the things that, if we stay committed to, consistently over time grow us up. They make us healthier, more evolved, more balanced, well-rounded individuals. However, chocolate comes along in life (just like opportunities for affairs) and tempts us with ideas like “How wonderful would life be if I could just eat chocolate all the time?” or “This must be the thing I was meant to eat all my life.”
When you reach a certain point of comfortability in your relationship, it sure is nice. You don’t have to worry about impressing each other anymore, you’ve seen each other at your worst and still love each other, and you just really “know” each other on a deeper level.
But there is another side to this level of love. It means things tend to become less exciting. That’s normal of course, but just like your car needs tuning up to run at its best, so does your relationship. Always add a little spice to keep things interesting, and keep boredom at bay.
About seven years ago, our toddler ran away from us at the grocery store. I chased him into the pasta aisle where he was holding a big jar of red sauce. My heart rate sped up as I realized I was about to become that parent, the mother who watches her child smash a jar onto the floor of aisle 6 and then walks away as if nothing happened.
People always say that you never really know what goes on behind closed doors, which always makes you wonder– what goes on behind closed doors in the average marriage? It makes you question whether things in your own relationship are “normal.” I think one of the biggest questions is, “how often do most married couples have sex?”
At first I questioned whether or not I should just dive right into this topic, but then I thought a few things: (1) a healthy marriage is so fundamental to the happiness of the rest of my life (and the whole family), (2) most of us find that time with our spouse slips on the priority list and often takes a backseat to more practical, everyday life tasks, and (3) my husband wanted to write an entire book entitled “Monday, Wednesday & Saturday” (or it could be “Tuesday, Thursday & Saturday – depending upon that season’s TV line-up) because he thinks our scheduled “date nights” are so great.
I help busy women (like you!) prioritize self-care so you can experience less stress, more calm and greater joy every day!
