I was writing about Cyber Sex and asking the ‘regular Jane’ how she felt about it. Everyone—I mean everyone—assumed there was something wrong or missing in a relationship in order for an individual to turn to sex on the internet.
Of course this could be true. However, it never occurred to any of them that cyber sex could be a healthy sexual outlet for someone in a happy, stable relationship.
This all started when one of my Twitter followers, (a male), said to me… “You need to write more about sex.” I replied, “I always blog about sex.” He answered, “You only touch on it. I mean a whole Blog post. On sex and the married life. On sex and the penny in the jar concept.” For those of you who don’t know what the penny in the jar theory is, it’s this: if you put a penny in a jar for every time you had sex before marriage, and then remove one for every time you have sex AFTER marriage, you’ll never empty the jar.
The fall of 2006 should have been one of the happiest times of my life. My first book, My Sister, My Self, had just been published and I’d just completed a book tour speaking at bookstores and community centers across the United States about sister relationships, the subject of my book. Planning the trip, I’d envisioned how great it would be out there driving the open road alone, listening to local radio stations and getting the chance to talk with dozens of women about a topic dear to their hearts. Although the reality of driving three thousand miles across America proved to be much more challenging than I’d expected, at least I had backup. During our nightly phone calls, my husband of twenty-one years was cheering me on, telling me how proud he was, always encouraging me.
Picture this..
You’re driving along a seemingly smooth road, no unexpected turns or bumps. All of the sudden, you hit a pothole in the road. Didn’t see that coming…
No matter how hard you rev the engine, you just can’t get out of it. The wheels keep spinning but you’re going nowhere. You’re stuck in a rut!
But on a serious note, when and how do we discuss sexuality with our kids? I am from the school of thought that we should share knowledge with out kids and not leave them in the dark. While I agree, some things are considered “over-share” and I’m guilty, I think kids should see kissing, hand-holding and affection between partners. I truly think that growing up in a safe environment with loving parents only breeds security and love.
So, truth is, I have been on the lookout for a woman, who exists in my head, who would be in a loving, committed and happy marriage, to her soul-mate, but who doesn’t have exclusive sex with her husband. And he’s cool with it. And he does it too. I figured, there has to be a “normal” woman somewhere in the world, who could live in the ‘burbs, pretty house with the picket fence, the kids, but has sex outside the marriage and doesn’t get in trouble! But, so far, no woman has come knocking on my door, so I wanted to share something I found.
Far too often, a man’s need for sex is not met. By this I mean, most married men, or men who are dating will willingly tell you, they’re not getting enough sex. Either their wife or girlfriend is too tired, has her period or simply doesn’t need sex as often as we males do. For the average man, sex is more of a physiological and basic need than a pure drive for sex.
Well, not everyone shared, so actually, I don’t know all 8 answers. But it was a range from, pretty much not existent, to every night, to which I blurted out, “EVERY NIGHT????” And yes, one of them actually, it was the only forty year old in the group, does it every single night! And early in the evening too! They put the kids to bed at 7:30PM, sex it up a little, and then watch their daily shows on Tivo. Sounds like a nice cozy evening to me, m’ladies!
I help busy women (like you!) prioritize self-care so you can experience less stress, more calm and greater joy every day!
