WELLNESS

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling… it seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Four years ago, if someone would have told me that I would become addicted to narcotics, I would have laughed at them.

My story is a story of joy, despair, hope and healing…

When I was 18 years old, I would hop into a sleek black private car around 11 pm every night. I’d wave my cigarette magically in the air and ask to be taken to the Soho Grande. The driver would speed off into the dark, bustling night of New York City. Slumped down in the grey leather seat, I’d peer out over the side of the door, so just my eyes were visible through the window. Bright flashing lights everywhere, blurring the images of the young college student’s advertising of the normal after-hours college scene that I wasn’t a part of. The horn would honk, the brakes would slam and I would try not to puke as we swerved in and out of traffic. Another drag of the cigarette, ashes spilling on my bare leg. My cell phone would flash: 10:58 pm. The car would come to a screeching halt and out I’d step. One foot in front of the other. I’d make my way to room 603 and knock. Hike up my skirt, poof up my hair, pucker my lips– “Hi, I’m Michelle.”

I’m going with the rhythm of the people. You asked. I answered. Summer’s around the corner. Bathing suit season is almost upon us. The weather is improving. Comfort food is out. Healthy food is in.

But the truth is, now is usually the time we try and bust a move. Our snug jeans from the winter months of delicious pastas and warm cream soups, cannot be hidden anymore under a long or bulky sweater. The air is lighter. The sun is brighter. And it’s right about now, that we try to get re-motivated for the summer.

I gotta be honest. And don’t hate me. But I was born skinny. I can give you a list of flaws and faults that I’ve got from here to to China– bad skin, honker nose, only-child syndrome, and the list goes on and on. But I haven’t struggled with my weight for a day in my life. I put on 40 pounds with both pregnancies. It took me a year to take the weight off, but I did, both times, with little effort. I returned to my ever-steady, 5’8″ frame, 117 pounds. And the kicker? I eat like a horse.

Months have gone by since I last posted about the past. I told the tale of what happened the day I had the strokes that changed my life.

Our lives.

I went from being a whirlwind of activity with goals of family-happiness, blog-success, and building a new life in Georgia, to having the goals of family-happiness, blog-success, and building a new life in Georgia BUT IN A WHEELCHAIR.

So, you know that expression, “I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead?” Yah well, it’s this expression that has pretty much sent me into overdrive. I look at my peers around me, and many of them live by this attitude. The husbands are A athletes, cyclists, skiers. The wives are tennis players, exercisers etc… (and so are their kids, by the way). They are from this mindset– I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead. They Go Go Go. Hard. They are in words of Charlie Sheen, Winning.

And then there’s me… I guess somewhere in the middle– an A player or flat out D player, on any given day.

Alright, I’m doing something today I rarely do… comment on tabloid gossip. A lot of you asked my opinion on Charlie Sheen’s recent antics. I watched pretty much all of it yesterday… The Today Show, Good Morning America, and The Piers Morgan interview last night. And here is where I differ with 90% of all of you out there. In my Facebook feed, I read things like, “Pompous, asshole, nutcase, arrogant, putz.” And see, I didn’t get that feeling AT ALL. You just had to watch his eyes. This man is obviously sick. Clearly ill. While I’m no Dr. Drew, I’m merely a psychology major and intuitive woman, and I know this may be a bold thing to say, but I have mental illness in my family, and it looked a lot like that.

Why stay stuck on the fence? Life is filled with decisions– our own, others, and even those others telling us what decisions to make. But the fact is, deep down inside, we usually know exactly what we should do. The trick is getting in there to access that wisdom.

Working with dreams is a wonderful and very simple way to get to that deep-down place and consult our inner advisors for solutions to waking-life dilemmas. It’s not that dreams have some magical wisdom about the absolute right or wrong thing to do in any given situation. Rather, they let us know what we are most comfortable doing, what we really feel or need or want. Dreams give us the opportunity to tap into our intuition and to be in touch with our whole selves when making decisions.