PARENTING

It’s that time of year again. Springtime in the city. Time where as moms, we try to figure out how we’re going to fit in all of our kids’ activities into one week. It’s also time where my mommy friends take the phones and give me a ring to discuss, “What are the boys doing this spring? Hockey? Ice hockey? Street Hockey? 3 on 3 hockey? Swimming… private or in groups? Tennis… outdoors or indoors? Soccer? Softball? When? Weekdays, weekends? With what friends? How old do they have to be to do hockey? Oh 3… too young… Oh that program… it’s closed. ” Holy shit, my head is spinning this morning! After all, if worrying were an Olympic sport, I’d take the gold for sure. ‘Member??

If there is anything I am on the fence about, it’s the topic of nurturing… too much vs. too little. Encouraging our kids vs. being tough on them when needed. Aah, the joys of parenting and all the confusion that comes with it! Providing for your children’s physical needs, like food, clothing and shelter, is pretty straightforward. However, providing for your children’s emotional needs is an entirely different beast. Every child is different, and you probably see it in your own house, that your nurturing style differs with each child based on their character.

Lately I have been seeing and sensing a greater open discussion amongst my peers relating to the issue of toxic parents. For many years, it was falsely believed that by the sheer fact that your parents gave birth to you, you must love and respect them regardless of how they treat you. There is a point here. Even when you are seventy years years old, you are still a child to that parent. So where does that leave you if you are in the prime of your life, starting your own family and balancing the time between your family, and your toxic parents? What is a suitable amount of time to know when you have to make your own way in this world, relegating those parents to the sidelines?

Okay, so can you tell I’m on holiday mode yet? That’s the “on the fence” issue for me right at this moment, 5m on a Wednesday, when my hubby is off from work and my kids are off from school for two weeks. More on the fence issues: what time to eat, or nap, or wake up, or play, or whatever. That’s what time off is for, I guess. No homework. No rules.

But really, as parents, we are constantly policing; “Say please. Say thank you. Please look at someone when they are talking to you.” Or in my house, “We’re eating dinner, we don’t STAND ON the table, we sit AT the table!” We are trying to make on-the-spot decisions. Trying to keep our cools. Often losing our patience. Trying to choose the right school, the right camp, the right friends for our kids, the best extra-curricular activities, and the list is endless. Sound exhausting? Welcome to your life, my friends!!!

Actually, guilt does serve its purpose on occasion. It sometimes guides us when things go wrong in our lives, when we’re not working hard enough, or when we’ve done something wrong, for example. But us ladies truly take guilt to a whole new level. I would even go so far as to call it our disease. We suffer from guilt about so many things. Instead of recognizing all the wonderful things we do for those around us, we let the things we CAN’T do completely overtake our mind. This is a sad thing ladies. Sad. But I will tell you, I suffer from this disease as well! And it’s chronic.