Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated 13 years of marriage, which on most days feels…
Yesterday, my husband and I celebrated 13 years of marriage, which on most days feels…
Most of us are familiar with the Penny in the Jar Theory, explained in this week’s parenting segment. But I won’t spoil it for you if you haven’t heard of it.
Truth: After marriage and kids, couples can begin to take each other for granted, get bogged down by routine monotony, and can sometimes feel as if they are staring at a complete stranger, rather than a loving spouse.
I was chatting with some moms last week and it took me back to something that happened a couple of years ago. I remember it clearly – at the time, I was grabbing a salad for the road and on the way to my son’s school to serve hot lunch to 650 students. Never one to skip a meal, I was waiting for my salad, when I bumped into an old friend’s sister. I actually found out on Facebook that this old high school friend had recently separated from her husband. Unfortunately, they also had two young children. I proceeded to ask the sister, “How is your sister doing?” To which she replied, “My sister seems much happier and he seems much happier, so I guess good for them, but I’m not so sure about the kids. I have a different point of view than her. Who’s happy? Who is living in marital bliss? Sometimes you have to suck it up, and stay for the sake of the kids.”
This weekend my husband and I celebrated EIGHTEEN YEARS TOGETHER. Eighteen years, OY! I had just turned 20 years old the day we shared our first kiss, April 27th, 1995.
So as an ode to my husband, and for my new readers who have never read it, here is our story…
We’re goin’ light today, m’ladies! I have a cute story. Sooooo, I was in the green room this past Wednesday morning waiting for my weekly parenting segment on Global TV to start. Sitting in the room with me, was a familiar face. Familiar because I see him every Wednesday morning, usually in sweats and a sweatshirt, always waiting for his segment to begin too. He is one of the fitness experts on the new morning show. My segment is always Wednesdays at 8:40am, and his is always before mine, around 8:15am. He’s always polite when I walk in. Says hello and then doesn’t ever say another word. I say hello and never utter another word either. I’m too busy going over my segment notes to make sure I don’t forget any of my tips.
While reading the latest issue of Glamour Magazine last night, I came across an interesting article. Titled The Curse of the Just-OK Marriage,” it is based on excerpts from the book Marriage Confidential by Pamela Haag. She addresses the “Post romantic age of workhorse wives, royal children, undersexed spouses and rebel couples who are rewriting the rules.”
Wow, that is a mouthful. Today, I am focusing on the marriage part today.
In an evening class at Stanford, the last lecture was on the mind-body connection – the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.
As I get ready to celebrate my 12th wedding anniversary and 17th year together on Monday August 13th, I reflect back upon why we’ve worked so well. In a way, we have done all the wrong things – we have gone to bed angry before (contrary to what is suggested couples do), we have used hurtful words in times of argument, and have rehashed issues long after they were dead.
While growing up, I devotedly watched and replayed all of Disney’s princess themed movies, and the message I took from these sugar coated love stories, was that some day I will meet a man who will rescue me from all of my sadness and make me happy. I would like to quickly explain the reason why I put so much hope and energy into this idea as a little girl– my childhood was tumultuous, to put it mildly, and when the world around me seemed so out of control, I found it easier to escape into a daydream about how and when things would one day be better. Today I look back upon this naïve philosophy and shake my head at myself. It had never occurred to me that I didn’t need a man to rescue me, but rather, I could save myself.
I help busy women (like you!) prioritize self-care so you can experience less stress, more calm and greater joy every day!
