RELATIONSHIPS

In an evening class at Stanford, the last lecture was on the mind-body connection – the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.

As I get ready to celebrate my 12th wedding anniversary and 17th year together on Monday August 13th, I reflect back upon why we’ve worked so well. In a way, we have done all the wrong things – we have gone to bed angry before (contrary to what is suggested couples do), we have used hurtful words in times of argument, and have rehashed issues long after they were dead.

While growing up, I devotedly watched and replayed all of Disney’s princess themed movies, and the message I took from these sugar coated love stories, was that some day I will meet a man who will rescue me from all of my sadness and make me happy. I would like to quickly explain the reason why I put so much hope and energy into this idea as a little girl– my childhood was tumultuous, to put it mildly, and when the world around me seemed so out of control, I found it easier to escape into a daydream about how and when things would one day be better. Today I look back upon this naïve philosophy and shake my head at myself. It had never occurred to me that I didn’t need a man to rescue me, but rather, I could save myself.

Sunday is Father’s Day, and I feel blessed to be surrounded by such loving and caring men. Studies show that a daughter’s self esteem is directly related to her father’s nurturing. If she is loved, accepted, and protected by her father, she blossoms. Dad, it is no wonder I have grown up with confidence and self esteem- it was all you. All in the way you loved me.

Happy Father’s Day to my most special father. I think the way he looked at me on my wedding day, just says it all.

Sunday is the day we honor mothers everywhere. For some, Mother’s Day is a day to rejoice. For others, it’s a sad and difficult day, as many will celebrate this Mother’s Day without a mom. While still for others, it’s a dreaded day filled with tension and perhaps regret of what could have been. I recall two years ago, I was at Walmart buying cards for my mother and mother-in-law, and next to me, there was a beautiful woman in her 30’s also shopping for cards. We looked at each other and said, “Not a great selection, huh?” But then I found something really nice, and I said to her, “Hey, look at this one. It’s a nice one,” to which she replied, “Oh no, I can’t stand my mother.”

Today, I would like to pay tribute to a special woman. My mother. She has devoted herself so loyally and whole heartedly to our family, and demanded very little in return. Today, I honor her.

I was living the dream: a six-figure income, beach vacations, plenty of time off to cultivate my hobbies, and a growing savings account, all before I was 25.

And then we got divorced, and I woke up to the fact that half of us had no job security, no career trajectory, no savings, and basically no idea. Yes, you guessed it. My half. I had never so much as opened a bank account by myself.